Todd & Blair [2002, Part 2]

Blair: You lied to Starr. You told her that I loved Max more than I loved her, more than I love --
Todd: You lied to Asa.
Blair: Oh, come on, Asa doesn't even count. What about all those lies you told Bo?
Todd: You're supposed to lie to the police.


Todd: I didn't tell Starr to lie. She started that all by herself.
Blair: Oh, really?
Todd: Yeah. Very impressive, don't you think?


Todd: (about Starr) Blair, she's your daughter, okay? So she's stubborn and willful and a little sneaky --
Blair: And sick.
Todd: Intense.


Blair: Rae's really not that bad.
Todd: Oh, come on, Blair. She's a shrink. They're all ghouls.


Blair: I wouldn't have thought of using Rae, you know, to threaten her.
Todd: Well, why would you? You're the good cop.
Blair: I am?
Todd: Well, you're not the bad cop.


[Todd finds out that Sam is trying to make Jack's adoption legal]
Todd: Whatever deal you got going on with Sam, it's over. You got that, Blair? No deal with Sam! No nothing with Sam!
Blair: Hey, hey, hey, I don't have a deal with Sam! He's my lawyer, Todd! Look, he's just trying to make it legal.
Todd: I can't believe that you went to an officer of the court and told him that you were doing something illegal.


Blair: Look, Sam is trying to make Jack's adoption legal.
Todd: What's he going to do, click his heels three times, say, "There's no place like home"?


Blair: How will making Jack's adoption legal destroy our family, Todd?
Todd: Well, anytime you walk into a courtroom, you don't know what your life is going to be like when you walk out.
Blair: So this is basically just your paranoia about the law?
Todd: And lawyers.


Todd: I am not going to call Sam.
Blair: Todd --
Todd: No, and that is the last word that I want to hear about it!
Blair: Well, you're going to.
Todd: That's, like, three words and a contraction.


[Todd attacks Sam after Sam drunkenly kisses Blair]
Blair: Todd, stop it --
Todd: I'll kill you.
Blair: He's drunk! Todd, he's drunk!
Todd: I'm going to kill you.
Blair: He just lost Nora! Please --
Todd: You don't ever touch my wife again.
Blair: Todd, stop it! He doesn't know what he's doing, Todd!
Todd: You ever touch my wife again, and I'll kill you.
Blair: Stop it!
Todd: Do you understand?
Blair: Stop, Todd!
Sam: Yeah. Whoo! I'm sorry. No excuses. I lost my head. I'm sorry.
Todd: Don't even bother apologizing to me. You apologize to her.


Todd: I bribed the judge. She's going to throw the case out of court.
Blair: Oh, God, Todd, how could you?
Todd: It was easy. It's family court. Judges are cheap.


Blair: What if the social worker won't let it go? What if she wants to continue the investigation, huh, and more questions come up about Jack?
Todd: Then I'll have to threaten her.


Todd: Sam's had a thing for you for a long time.
Blair: Oh --
Todd: I don't buy that this has anything to do with him being drunk or being upset that he was dumped by Nora. I mean, really, who would be upset about being dumped by Nora?


Blair: Okay, where's Starr? Does she know anything about this child endangerment charge, huh?
Todd: She doesn't know all of it. She was too concerned about getting a facial. I dropped her off at Serenity Springs.
Blair: You left her at Serenity Springs by herself??
Todd: They have a staff.


Blair: How can you be so calm, huh?
Todd: I use a roll-on deodorant.


Todd: (to the judge) Look, Blair and I -- we really are good parents. And it's probably the only thing in the whole world that we're actually good at....


Blair: There isn't anything that I wouldn't do for my little girl. Me being Starr's mother -- it's not my job. It's who I am.
Todd: Yeah, me, too. That's who I am. I mean, that's why we fight so much over custody.
Blair: Yeah.
Judge: I've seen the records, Mr. Manning, and, frankly, you should be ashamed of putting your little girl through all that.
Todd: Builds character?


Sam: Your Honor, I have known Todd and Blair for many years. And I know their daughter Starr to be as precocious a child as they are unorthodox as parents.
Todd: Oh, this is going well.


Sam: (about Starr) That little girl saw that a man was in trouble, realized that he was in pain, and made great, heroic efforts to do what was right -- namely, bring him the help that he needed.
Social Worker: At considerable risk to herself.
Sam: Starr's actions tell me, Your Honor, that Blair and Todd could not have raised this child any better -- a child filled with inventiveness, with intelligence, and, above all, with heart. I can't imagine two parents more fit than these two.


Todd: (referring to Hedy) Frau Clink's not here yet.
Blair: Well, where is she?
Todd: I don't know. She said something about her having to go visit a sick uncle.
Blair: Well, how long is that going to take, Todd?
Todd: I don't know. How long does it take to go to Germany?


[Todd worries to Gabrielle about what will happen if Blair finds out he lied about Jack]
Todd: Blair will take Starr and Jack away from me, and I can't lose them. I -- well, I can't lose Blair.


Todd: (to Gabrielle, about telling Blair the dead baby lie) I think she'd understand. Don't you think? I mean, if I explained it to her real slowly, she would, wouldn't she?


Todd: (to Blair) All we got to do is convince the social worker that we're good parents. I mean, really, how hard can that be?


Blair: She could find out, Todd!
Todd: Not if you keep your big mouth shut.
Blair: I just can't do this anymore!
Todd: Can't keep your big mouth shut?


Blair: Todd, I don't care how early it is, we are going to open a bottle of champagne to celebrate!
Todd: It's got to be happy hour in some time zone, right?


[The doorbell rings]
Blair: Ooh. If that's Gabrielle --
Todd: I'll just kill her.


[Todd has decided that he and Blair need to leave the country in order to keep Jack]
Blair: We're not going anywhere.
Todd: No, no, no, ok, we're not, but Mr. and Mrs. Tom Morrison are, with their two little, bouncy children.
Blair: Ok. If you're even thinking about running away, you might as well just forget it!
Todd: I'm doing more than thinking about it. I've been on the phone the whole morning. I got a chartered plane, fake passports. I transferred some money. I got hotel reservations. It's going to be the vacation of a lifetime -- well, at least until Jack's old enough to buy cigarettes.


Blair: If we run, it looks like we're guilty or something.
Todd: Blair, wake up. You already look guilty.


Todd: (to Blair) Look, this social worker isn't just a person, ok? She's a rulebook with a bun and an ill-fitting suit, and she wants to take our kids! The time to do something is now! It's time to go!


Todd: Oh, look, we're all alone. No baby-stealers here yet.
Blair: Please don't antagonize the social worker.
Todd: Don't forget the judge. They're in on this together now.
Blair: Todd, please don't antagonize anybody. We could lose our children.
Todd: No, we're not. There's no way I'm going to let a social worker or some guy in a robe take our kids away from us. Those are our kids and they are always going to be with us.


Judge: We have rules that we all work under, and if you don't follow those rules --
Todd: I don't follow rules. I don't. Blair -- well, for the most part, Blair follows the rules, but I don't.


Blair: Since when do you make family plans, anyway, Todd?
Todd: Since you changed me.


Todd: (to Gabrielle) My family is very important to me. And nothing is going to take them from me -- not you, not Alex, not some doctor, not Sam, and not some stupid disease. None of that is going to keep me from having what's mine.