Todd & Blair [2000, Part 1]

[T&B run into each other outside a bar in Ohio; it is the first time Blair's seen him in almost two years]
Blair: What are you doing here, Todd?? Are you stalking me?
Todd: What the hell did you do to your hair?
Blair: I cut it. What did you do to yours?


[The last Blair heard about Todd, he had left town with Tea]
Blair: Where's Tea?
Todd: You don't need to know.
Blair: What'd you do to her, Todd?
Todd: I cut her up into little pieces and I keep her in my freezer. Well, maybe.


[Blair is suspicious of Todd's sudden reappearance]
Blair: What are you going to do to me? Hurt me?
Todd: You really think I would hurt you?


Todd: (about Max) You had trouble keeping him out of the club. Seems like your famous seduction routine has lost its punch.


Blair: (about Max) He just had brain surgery last year.
Todd: Really, they put one in?
Blair: You know, you're lucky he's still breathing. Let's just hope he comes out of this in his right mind.
Todd: How would you be able to tell?


Blair: I'm supposed to be believe that you did all this as a favor to me!
Todd: Yeah! You're Blair. You're -- you're the mother of my child.


Blair: (to Viki) I used to love Max the way that you love Ben. That crazy kind of love that makes you do crazy things.
Viki: Well, you loved Todd like that, too.
Blair: What does Todd have to do with anything?
Viki: This is what Todd does -- you're doing it now, okay? He punishes people when they don't do what he wants. Maybe you two were a perfect match after all.


Will: Lying to Jess about Viki isn't Cristian's style.
Todd: No, taking money from dead babies isn't your style either, but, you know, people do funny things when they see a girl with pretty yellow hair.


[Blair hears Starr talking to someone in her room]
Starr: I was talking to Daddy.
Blair: You mean Fred the Magic Frog, right? Daddy told you to talk to him when you miss him? Hm?
Todd: (stepping out of the shadows) Why would she talk to a stuffed animal when she can talk to me?
Blair: Get out, Todd.
Todd: I just got here.


Blair: If the cops find out that you're here, they're probably going to throw you in jail.
Todd: Please, the cops couldn't catch a cold.


Todd: I have a right to visit Starr.
Blair: Well, you know what, next time why don't you call like a normal person?
Todd: Oh, "like a normal person."
Blair: Yeah, well, someone pretending to be normal.


Todd: So how's Max?
Blair: I love Max.
Todd: Wouldn't know it from the way you guys looked together at the club in Ohio.


Blair: You don't care about anybody but yourself, Todd!
Todd: I used to care about you.
Blair: In your own way.
Todd: It was kind of fun.


Blair: (about Sam) You're helping him so he'll represent you, huh?
Todd: That's right. From now on, Sam gets whatever he wants: Max's secret, his son's freedom, even the love of his life back.
Blair: The love of his life is dead, Todd.
Todd: Things change.
Blair: Dead is dead, Todd.
Todd: Is it?


[After Max nearly catches Blair talking to Todd...]
Blair: It was Fred the Magic Frog. Starr thinks if you talk to this stupid frog, Todd hears it.
Max: And if you kiss it, does it turn into a prince?
Blair: Hardly.


[Todd is outraged after overhearing Max and Blair talk about having a baby]
Todd: You're having a BABY??
Blair: It's none of your business!
Todd: It's definitely my business! Nobody told you that you could have a baby!
Blair: Oh, butt out, Todd.
Todd: You're going to grow a Buchanan and he's going to be Starr's stepbrother??
Blair: So what??
Todd: So I -- I don't like the idea.


Blair: I got a plan, and I'm not telling you what it is!
Todd: Fine, I won't tell you mine.
Blair: (curious) You got a plan, too?
Todd: Always.


[Starr tells Todd about the red-haired lady named Skye]
Starr: I don't like her. Uncle Max really did. That made Mommy sad. I hate it when Mommy's sad. It makes my heart hurt.
Todd: Well you don't need to worry about that, now. Nobody's going to hurt you. Not some red haired lady named Skye. Especially not Max.


Todd: So. When was the last time you heard Blair talking about revenge and Max?
Starr: All the time.
Todd: (referring to Blair kissing Max in the study) If that's how she takes revenge on people, I really want to be there when she takes it out on Skye.


Starr: Please, Daddy. Stay with Mommy and take care of us. Wouldn't you like that?
Todd: (sighs) Starr, I just -- I can't be together with Blair.
Starr: Why not?
Todd: Because I can't be together with Blair.


[Todd watches Blair while she talks in her sleep]
Blair: Mmm...Max, you were an animal -- you tiger, you.
Todd: Yeah, he earns his stripes every day.
[Blair opens her eyes and is shocked to see Todd in her bed]
Blair: What are you doing here?!
Todd: I was looking at you.


Blair: If Max comes back and finds you here, Todd...
Todd: (amused) What? He'll what?


Todd: (about Max) My bet is that he went to go see the red-haired lady.
Blair: Skye?
Todd: Yeah, that's it. Why, is there another red-haired lady he's having an affair with?


Todd: You know, Starr says she doesn't like what's going on around here -- with you and Max and Skye. Makes me question what kind of example you're setting for our young, impressionable daughter.
Blair: Oh, now isn't this the pot calling the kettle black?


Blair: For your information, everything that I'm doing, I'm doing for Starr!
Todd: So what are you doing, Blair?
Blair: You know what? Don't be here when I get back.


Blair: What are you still doing here, Todd?
Todd: No, it's not "still," it's "again." See I went out and I came back.


Todd: Starr and I had lunch.
Blair: Why did you do that?
Todd: I was hungry.
Blair: She's supposed to be in her play group.
Todd: Yeah, well, she doesn't play well with other children.


Todd: (to Blair) Oh, so all it is is that you're not pregnant but you're telling Max that you are? Oh, what will he do when he finds out, gosh -- jump off a tall step stool?


Blair: (about Max) He had an affair, Todd! And he flaunted it in front of me all over town and yeah, I'm going to get him back for that!
Todd: (quietly) I don't know what you ever saw in that guy.


Todd: You know, Starr doesn't like Max either. Maybe I should get rid of him.
Blair: Oh, and I bet you you would be very thorough at it too, but you know, no thanks, because I'm going to do it my way.
Todd: What are you, Frank Sinatra?
Blair: Ha ha ha ha. Even you will be impressed.


Todd: We were a team once. You remember?
Blair: Do I have to?
Todd: We could do it again. We could take on the world.
Blair: I don't have anything against the world, Todd.
Todd: Fine. We'll start with Llanview.


[Todd meets Skye for the first time and threatens her]
Todd: You have to get something straight. You don't upset Starr, you got that?
Skye: Fine. No problem.
Todd: I'm not done. You don't upset Blair, because that would upset Starr. So you don't spend anymore time with Max. Because that would upset Blair. Which would upset Starr. Which would upset me. You don't want to upset me.


[Blair finds Todd sorting through things on her desk]
Blair: What are you doing now??
Todd: I'm going through your stuff.
Blair: Ugh. So you're looking for a foundation to cover up your scar?


Todd: I took care of the, uh, red-haired lady.
Blair: You didn't.
Todd: Yeah. I killed her.
Blair: What'd you do to her, Todd?
Todd: I had a conversation with her. It was direct. It was to the point. It was frank, even. She won't be bothering you anymore.


Todd: (about Skye) I spooked her.
Blair: She doesn't spook, Todd.
Todd: Everybody spooks! Why not her?
Blair: I locked her in a wine cellar. She's a lush. She never touched a drop. I shoved her head in a toilet. She came up fighting!
Todd: Kid stuff. Look, you really want to scare somebody, you have -- fear is like a time bomb, right? You gotta -- you gotta set it up and then just let it tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.


[Todd wants custody of Starr]
Blair: You're on the run from the cops. You don't have a home, you don't have a job!
Todd: Yeah, I was thinking about getting the old homestead back.
Blair: "The old homestead"?
Todd: Yeah, the penthouse. I like looking down on Llanview from up there.
Blair: You LOVE looking down on Llanview.


Todd: If I got my job back and I got the house, then I could show the court that I'm really a good example for Starr.
Blair: What did you do, Todd? Did you just pick up some book that says How to Look Respectable When You're Not Even Close, huh?
Todd: Did you write the book?


Todd: Look, Blair, it was fine, you know, back when you wanted to provide some kind of a dream, you -- you wanted all the money and you wanted a white picket fence to keep the big, bad world out, and you -- that was fine, I figured that's what a kid needs, a kid needs a family, a kid needs fun.
Blair: We have fun!
Todd: No, YOU have fun! You play games, you play -- you play musical beds, you play "Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire"!


Blair: Okay, you know what, fine, all right, I'm guilty, Todd! I do what I have to do, you got that??
Todd: You do what you have to do for money.
Blair: Yes, I do! For Starr! And I'm going to teach her that all men are liars and cheats. And I'm gonna make absolutely sure that she never, EVER has to depend on another man as long as she lives.
Todd: No, not like you.
Blair: Oh, you're damn straight about that!


Todd: Let me get this straight, you think you're some kind of a shining example for Starr because you don't depend on men for money? You married Asa for money and then you left him for dead!
Blair: Oh, you know what, that's right, come on, let's talk about our love lives, hmm? What about your little youthful indiscretion as a RAPIST? Does that count?


[Kelly has just said that someone is going to get shot at Crossroads bar tonight]
Blair: Well, what do you think she meant by that?
Todd: Well, don't look at me. I only shoot at RJ.


Todd: If Max does get himself shot, you stand to make a lot of money.
Blair: You're disgusting! Get out, Todd! I mean it!
Todd: (disgusted) After all this, you still care about Max.
Blair: No, I don't care about Max! I care about you leaving right now!