Todd & Blair [2000, Part 3]

[Viki reminds Todd why he came back to Llanview]
Viki: You said you came back because of your family.
Todd: My family? What family? Starr? I don't get to see her at all unless I pry her away from Blair.
Viki: Well, there's me.
Todd: Oh, yeah, what was I thinking?
Viki: And Jessica.
Todd: I don't think you can speak for Jessica.
Viki: Well, what about Blair?
Todd: Well, I know you can't speak for Blair.


[Todd thinks Blair is hiding a secret about Ben]
Todd: Are you sleeping with him?
Blair: Ben? No, I'm not sleeping with Ben.
Todd: I could've used that.


Todd: You can't tell anybody, not even Blair.
Starr: I love secrets!
Todd: (looking at Starr intently) You are your mother's daughter.


[Max doesn't want Todd to visit Starr anymore]
Blair: Look, what am I supposed to do? He's her daddy. She absolutely adores him. And he does have a right to see her.


Blair: What's the secret you got going with your daddy, huh?
Starr: (giggling) If I tell, it wouldn't be a secret now, would it?
Blair: I'm not laughing.


[Blair is furious because Todd has gotten Starr involved in one of his secret plots]
Blair: What did you ask her to do??
Todd: I told her to dismember you in your sleep.
Blair: I mean it, Todd! Tell me the truth, right now! I'm her mother, please!
Todd: Yeah, well, I'm her father, and if I want to have a secret with her, then I will!
Blair: What are you doing, Todd? Do you want to turn her into a Todd clone, is that it? Well, I'll tell you this right now, my friend. That will never, ever happen! Ever!
Todd: It's too late Blair. It's already happened. We're like this. (he crosses his fingers tightly)
Blair: Todd, what do you want to do? Turn her into a lonely, vindictive loser like you?
Todd: Better than being a pathetic, clinging ex-wife like you.
[Blair slaps Todd]


Blair: (about Tea) Oh, come on Todd, you're so better off without her. All she ever wanted was your money, anyway.
Todd: Yeah, well the first time maybe.
Blair: Oh, come on. There was never an honest bone in her whole body. Why don't you just think about it. There's nothing worse than a phony -- than a desperate phony. Oh so pathetic just to watch them struggle and squirm, even after they know the game's over.
Todd: You're talking about Skye now, right? You should just forget her because she's not worth it. (pause) He's not worth it either, you know. You don't belong with Max.
Blair: (defensively) Oh excuse me. This coming from a man who totally self-destructed over Tea. Oh, well, at least Max isn't trying to change me. Come on, Todd. Tea never wanted the real you.
Todd: Nobody does. Everybody's trying to change me Blair. Tea, Viki, Sam -- they're trying to re-design me. Everybody wants me to change. Everybody but you.


Todd: Sam, Viki, Tea -- now, they all want me to be somebody else. But you don't. Why is that?
Blair: Come on, Todd, you remember we fought for the title of "Most Pathetic." Now, if you changed then I would have to be Most Pathetic all by myself.
Todd: Yeah, well, I think I've already won that.


Blair: Only you would understand me trying to create a virus to destroy my husband and then changing my mind.
Todd: Well, I think you should change it again.


Blair: I love my husband and I want to save my marriage.
Todd: You really are pathetic.


Blair: What is the matter with you?
Todd: What's the matter with me? What's the matter with you?? You sound like Kelly or Viki or one of those other bottle blondes!
Blair: Why, because I actually care about somebody other than myself? Because I'm committed to a man? I want to stand by him and trust him?
Todd: You're making me sick!


[Todd says that everyone in Llanview is crazy and pathetic]
Blair: Why, because they actually care about somebody than themselves?
Todd: No, because they're stupid enough to think that people actually care about them!
Blair: You only care about yourself!
Todd: What, are you going to try and change me now, too?
Blair: No. No, I -- I want you to help me.


[Todd hacks into The Banner and changes the day's headline to read "Governor Is A Big Dip"]
Blair: (giggling) Oh, Todd, you -- wait a minute, you're terrible!
Todd: You're right. It should be much bigger. So, um, what else do you want to do?
Blair: What else do you want to do?
Todd: Well, we could destroy someone's existence.
Blair: Skye's. Destroy her trust fund. I'd love to see her in line at a soup kitchen.


Blair: You know, Todd -- I always knew Tea was stupid. She should've never let you go.
Todd: Max is waiting, right?
Blair: Look, you -- you saved my marriage. And I want you to know that I promise you, I am going to find a way somehow to repay you for this. I promise. Thanks.


[Todd offers to help Skye get together with Max]
Skye: So, Todd, what do you get out of all this? I mean, besides getting Max out of your daughter's life, hm? Blair, maybe?
Todd: No, that all went sour a long time ago.
Skye: Really? Well, from what I know about your history, you and Blair would be perfect together.


[Blair is upset because Todd hired Skye to work at The Sun]
Blair: Well, it's obvious that you didn't hire Ms. Skye for her word-processessing.
Todd: No, I hired her for her spread-sheet.
Blair: Why are you doing this??
Todd: I'm doing this for you.
Blair: You hired Skye for me? I don't think so.
Todd: No, you keep your enemies close to you.
Blair: She's my enemy.
Todd: Which makes her mine.


Todd: Look, I worked really hard to get you and Max where you are right now. I'm not going to let the Wicked Red-Headed Witch of Llanview screw up my plans.
Blair: What plans?
Todd: You'll see.


Starr: Daddy, what's "ovulation"?
Todd: Uh -- wait, say that again?
Starr: I heard Mommy and Uncle Max talking about it. They said they're going to the Bayberry Inn to make a baby. Mommy said they had to do it today 'cause she had an ovulation. So what is it?
Todd: It's a chocolate flavored kind of drink, and you know what, we're going to talk about this some other time. Starr: I don't want Mommy and Uncle Max to have a baby. It'll get all the presents and everything!
Todd: Yeah, I'll take care of it, all right?


[Todd has locked himself into a storage room with Blair in order to keep her from having sex with Max]
Blair: All right, Todd, just unlock the door. Now!
Todd: Oh, you know, I would but I've left my magic wand in my OTHER really cool blazer.
Blair: Well, I don't care. Then knock it -- do something!
Todd: You watch too much TV, you know, people don't go around in real life just breaking doors down.


[Todd ignores Blair while she tries to open the locked door]
Blair: What are you doing?
Todd: (holding a squeegee brush) Why do they call them "squeegee"? You know -- you think the guy that invented them was really named "Squeegee"?
Blair: I don't care!
Todd: Luigi Squeegee. You know, I guess it really kind of sounds like the noise it makes when you use it. You know -- (he moves it around in the air) "Squeeeeggeeee."
Blair: Why aren't you helping me unlock the door, Todd?
Todd: Because it's locked.
Blair: Because I need out, that's why!
Todd: Well, somebody will come here eventually. Somebody who's looking for a squeegee.


Blair: I need to get out of here now! Max is waiting! We're trying to make a baby!
Todd: Oh, that's disgusting! Aw, I've got to live with that image in my head??


Blair: You did lock me in here on purpose!
Todd: Oh yeah, yeah, I did. You're right. Because I'm so crazy about you. I can't get over it, you know? I'm sick and I can hardly eat, I can hardly sleep, I can hardly bring myself to dot my "i's" with those little hearts anymore.


Todd: (to Blair) What do you want to have a baby with Max for, anyway? You know, the whole marriage thing, really, I understand that, okay? It's about the mansion, you get the money, but what do you get if you have a baby? You don't get anything. You don't even get any MORE money when he finally leaves you for Skye.


[Todd doesn't understand why Blair wants to have a child with Max]
Blair: You know what, maybe because I love him, Todd, huh? Maybe because he's my husband. The same reason you and I had Starr.
Todd: Don't -- don't compare what we had with that syrupy, sickening thing that you want to do with Max.
Blair: I'm not. Look, all I'm saying is -- that we created Starr out of -- out of love. And that is exactly what I intend to do with Max.
Todd: You are not going to have another Starr!
Blair: I am not trying to make another Starr!


Todd: The only thing you're going to have is exactly what you deserve for getting involved with a guy like Max! Max will leave you! And you will go ballistic, and then we'll be exactly where we started from!
Blair: Max is not you! You're the one that ruined everything that we had, Todd, when you went off to Ireland to save Marty right after we got married!
Todd: (sarcastically) I wanted to go to Ireland to get shot in the back!
Blair: You should have never been there in the first place!
Todd: Well, it didn't take long for you to get over me! I come back, I see you rolling around the floor with Patrick Thornhart!
Blair: YOU WERE DEAD, TODD! You were gone for over a year!
Todd: Well, as soon as you found out I was alive, you still wanted to have a baby with the Irish poet!
Blair: Now, don't you dare bring up Brendan!
Todd: You wanted to have an Irish poet baby, you want to have a Max baby -- you don't need another baby! You already have a baby! You don't need any more babies!


Todd: Starr doesn't want another brother or a sister! The only thing that little girl wants -- the only thing in the whole world she wants is for her mother and father to be back together!
Blair: Oh, wait a minute. I get it. That's what you want, isn't it??
Todd: No. You know -- your ego -- I am not interested in getting back together with you. This is just what -- I'm just telling you what -- what Starr said.


Blair: I also think it's our responsibility to -- well, to maintain a good relationship.
Todd: Nobody has a good relationship with me.
Blair: I did. Because I accepted you for who you are, just like you accepted me. We understood each other back then, Todd.


Blair: I need to get to Max, okay? Look, I'm desperate here.
Todd: You are. You're desperate. That's exactly it. That's it in a nutshell. You know, if you were really okay with Max, you wouldn't be so desperate.


Todd: (to Blair) I know you. I know you better than you know you, and you know that. And you know that it wouldn't be hard for somebody to take Max away from you, especially not someone as determined as Skye.


Blair: You know, why do you think that everybody has ulterior motives, Todd?
Todd: Because everybody has ulterior motives.
Blair: Okay then, what's yours? I know that you locked us in here on purpose. Hmm? Was it just to keep me from having a baby with Max?
[Todd nods]
Blair: So you finally admit it! You did lock me in here on purpose!
Todd: It's for your own good.


Blair: Somebody help me! Fire! Murder! (casting an angry look at Todd) Rape!


Blair: (threateningly to Todd) You...you!
Todd: (helpfully) The father of your only child.


Blair: You're a son of a -- do you know how long we've been in this hell hole??
Todd: Yeah, well, time flies when you're completely out of your mind for marrying Max.


Blair: You know, you're not going to ruin everything I got going with Max. I'm not going to let you. I won't!
Todd: You ruined your whole life all by yourself. You live with Asa! You live in Asa's house, under Asa's thumb, with a man you feel you have to breed with in order to keep him interested. I mean, Blair, Max had his red-headed twinkie move into the bedroom next door for easy access!
Blair: Shut up! Max is over the tramp, all right?
Todd: Over? Or on top of?


Todd: (about Max and Skye) If he's over her, how come he still sniffs around her every chance he gets?
Blair: Well, Todd, because maybe Max is a normal, healthy man with normal, healthy tendencies. But then again, you know, you wouldn't know anything about normal or healthy.
Todd: Look who's talking.
Blair: Max is worth ten of you!
Todd: Max is a sorry mutation of a man.
Blair: Yeah, and you're Victor Lord's son! And we all know who he is! And we all know who you are!


[Blair regrets her harsh words to Todd]
Blair: Okay. Maybe I shouldn't have said that. You know, Todd, it's just that you drive me crazy.
Todd: No, it's true what you said.
Blair: No, it's not. Look, I -- I've seen the other side of you. The loving side. So has Starr, and -- and I know that you love our daughter. And for some crazy reason, you suddenly care about me, I guess. I mean, that is what all this is about, isn't it? Isn't it? Todd, I -- it won't work, all right? You can't control me anymore. We're not together anymore.


Todd: What does Ben Davidson have on you and Max?
Blair: I barely even know Ben Davidson.
Todd: (laughing) Okay, you're a big liar. You're not as good at it as me, but you are. You're a big liar.


Blair: You can't stop Max and me. Because we got a really good thing going, and we're on the right track. You're not going to be able to stop us, Todd, you hear me? You're not!
Todd: Hell I'm not.


Blair: What are you planning, Todd?
Todd: I still get to you. You don't know what I'm going to do next, and you like that. You like a life full of surprises.


[Max tries to strangle Todd after he finds out that Todd locked himself and Blair in the storage room]
Blair: Max, stop it! Stop, Max, you're going to kill him, Max, stop it! Max, please, stop it, Max, it was an accident! Don't kill him, it will ruin everything that we've worked so hard to get! Please, stop it, Max, stop!
Max: (to Todd) You come near my wife again, you're going out in a body bag!


Starr: I want you and Mommy to have a baby!
Todd: Starr, your mother and I can't have a baby.
Starr: Why not?
Todd: Because...because.
Starr: Then I can't be your spy anymore, and I'm telling Mommy that you asked me to!
Todd: Well, I know whose kid you are.
Starr: Yours and Mommy's. Then why can't you have another one?


Todd: The only thing I promised you is that I would make sure that Max and Blair didn't have a baby, that was it.
Starr: How is that supposed to get you and Mommy back together? Isn't that what we're trying to do, get you and Mommy back together?


[Blair wants Todd to tell Starr that they are not going to get back together]
Blair: I want you to tell her that, I want her to hear you say it. Tell her, now.
[Todd ignores Blair]
Blair: Starr, sweetie, you know I'm happily married to Max. And I love you, Daddy loves you, but that does not mean that we can be together, okay? (she turns to Todd) Now you tell her.
Todd: (to Starr) ...Your mother's married to Max, and -- whatever else she was saying.


Blair: You know, Todd, I don't know why I ever trusted you.
Todd: I don't know either.
Blair: You're up to something really big, aren't you? You are going to hurt Max and me, aren't you?


Todd: Don't ever change, Blair.


Todd: (to Skye) Blair's the mother of my daughter. If you're going to accuse her of something, you better have proof.


Blair: (to Skye) Why would Todd protect me or my marriage?
Todd: Gosh, Blair, that's because you and Max are the poster children for true love.
Blair: Oh, shut up!


Blair: (to Skye) The truth is, this is just another pathetic, desperate attempt for you to break my marriage up with Max, because you want Max all to yourself. Todd hasn't anything to do with this.
Skye: Oh, like hell! Todd has his own agenda. If I get Max, the field is clear.
Max: The field? What are you talking about?
Skye: Don't you people get it?? Todd wants Blair back!


Blair: Skye isn't insane! She would never have gone to Max unless she had proof, Todd! And she's not stupid, either! She knew that Max would go straight to that web site!
Todd: Okay, well, I think -- now, follow me on this -- that she's been possessed by aliens.


Todd: (about Skye) Why would you believe anything that that woman said?
Blair: I want to believe the truth, Todd.
Todd: And you think Carrot Top's going to tell you the truth? Come on, she's the one who was trying to break up your marriage, and -- okay, you didn't hear it from me, but I heard she, you know... (he mimes drinking from a bottle, mocking Skye's drinking problem)


Todd: Look, I bought that stupid company for you, so that nobody could trace it back to you. That's -- that's got to count for something!
Blair: It doesn't count if you didn't do it!


Todd: Okay, if you don't want to yell at me, what are you going to do? You going to kill me?
Blair: No, I want to thank you.
Todd: You want to what? Why?
Blair: Well, does killing you seem more logical to you?
Todd: You wouldn't be the first to try. Not even today.
Blair: Well, I'll give you that one, but I -- I think there's more than that, Todd. I think you like it when people want to kill you. It's when people start caring about you is when you can't deal.
Todd: That's sick.
Blair: Well, it's the truth Todd. People do care about you. I care about you. And I know that you care about me. And I know you don't want to admit that. Otherwise you wouldn't have helped me like you did today. You saved my marriage. Again. And I can't tell you how much that means to me. So I just want to say thank you.
[Blair kisses Todd]