Todd & Blair [2002, Part 1]

Todd: When you get back, we can talk about names for the kid because, you know, "Kid" kind of just rolls off the tongue, but --
Blair: Well, you know, why don't we do that tomorrow?
Todd: What, do you got something against tonight?
Blair: Tonight is ours, Todd.


Todd: I want to be happy. Okay, I -- I said it. I want to be happy. Is that -- is that too much to ask?
Blair: No. It's not.
Todd: It was kind of a rhetorical question.
Blair: It's not too much to ask, Todd, to be happy, for either one of us.


Blair: It's a real wedding night. We deserve it, don't we?
Todd: Some people don't think so.


Blair: You are so handsome.
Todd: Oh, don't say that.
Blair: No, I know. I don't say that to you very much because I know that you don't like to hear it.
Todd: Well, then why are you saying it now?
Blair: Because you need to hear it. You need to hear all the good things about you, Todd, and there are good things.
Todd: News to me.
Blair: The way you're kind and -- and gentle to me and the baby, the way you hold him and talk to him and love him so fiercely.
Todd: Yeah, well, some people would just call that overprotective.
Blair: And I know something else, too.
Todd: Periodic table of the elements?
Blair: That you want to be loved in return, Todd. And you know what? It's ok to want that.
Todd: Blair --
Blair: Todd -- look at me. I'm your wife. No one is ever going to love you the way that I love you. So let me. Let me love you.


Blair: We're just a happy, normal couple.
Todd: No, we're not, Blair. We're not a normal couple.
Blair: No?
Todd: No, and that has to be ok with you.
Blair: It's better than ok.
Todd: Right, because normal -- normal is boring, right, and it's dull, and -- I mean, let's face it, we're not two well adjusted human beings, are we?
Blair: Yeah, you know what? They are so many rules.
Todd: Right. I mean, there's rules. There's rules like -- like you're -- you're driving, ok? You're in the car and you get to a red light and you're in the middle of nowhere. There's not a car around for a hundred and some miles, ok, but you, what, you still stop at the stupid traffic signal?
Blair: Well, no way.
Todd: And you got to recycle -- in this bin, and now you got to get a bin for bottles and a bin for plastics and a bin for -- for -- the -- the deposit cans, and then another bin for plastic ovens and --
Blair: What about all those rules about manners and --
Todd: Right, I mean, because, really, does anybody ever spoon the soup away from them? I mean, who does that?
Blair: Yeah, I mean, and then there's a fork for fish and then there's a fork for salad --
Todd: Right, and the knife that's got to go on the right. Why can't the knife go in the middle or on the left?
Blair: I just say we keep and put the knife wherever we want to put it.
Todd: Right in the middle of Max’s back. I'm kidding. Kind of.
Blair: Yeah.
Todd: To live by our own rules.
Blair: Yeah.
Todd: Or no rules at all, I mean, if that's what you wanted.
Blair: I say no rules.


Todd: You asked me how I was feeling. I feel kind of warm, like -- it's kind of like a fever. But, no, it's not like a bad -- it's like comfy warm. Is there something the matter with me? Really, I'm -- I’m -- I'm serious. I think I'm freaking out a little.
Blair: You've never felt like this before.
Todd: Like -- what? What's the matter with me?
Blair: You're happy, Todd.


Blair: Good morning, sleepyhead.
Todd: I thought -- I thought you'd gone.
Blair: Todd, I am never going to leave you.
Todd: Is that a promise?
Blair: You've seen the worst of me and the best of me, and I've the seen the worst of you and the best of you. There is nothing, nothing that would make me ever leave you.


Blair: You know, we have given this baby a last name. I do think it is time we give him a first. What do you say?
Todd: Well, what's wrong with "Baby"?


Todd: (about the baby) Who do you think he looks like?
Blair: Actually, I think he looks like you.
Todd: Oh, you think he's ugly?
Blair: Todd!


Blair: I always hoped we'd call our son "Todd."
Todd: No. No way.
Blair: But "Todd" is --
Todd: Look, it's a name that carries a lot of baggage with it, and I think -- I think this kid deserves better.
Blair: Well, I happen to disagree with you because I think "Todd" is a wonderful name.


Todd: You know this baby's ours, right? I mean, just like the kid that we lost in Mexico would have been.
Blair: Yeah, I know. Maybe it's a good thing that he wasn't born our blood child, huh? Huh?
Todd: Why?
Blair: Because then, well, he's not going to get the worst of us, Todd. He'll only get the best of us.


[Officially naming the baby]
Blair: John. His name means precious gift. John Manning.
Todd: Well, what do you think he thinks about that?
Starr: Dad, he's too little to talk. Right?
Todd: Jack. We'll call him Jack.
Starr: Jack Manning.
Blair: Mm-hmm.
Starr: I like that.


Todd: All right, then it's settled. Jack Cramer Manning.
Blair: Cramer?
Todd: Yeah, well, I mean, why not? I mean, he is your kid, too, right?
Blair: Well, I know how you feel about my family.
Todd: This isn't about your crazy family. No, this is about you and me and our family.


Todd: (about Paloma) She was calling because she was dialing for dollars.
Blair: She never asked me for a penny.
Todd: Yeah, because I hung up the phone before she had a chance to. Believe me, if she was still on the phone, you'd hear the whole routine -- "Oh, senorita, so sorry about the dead babycita. I -- I pray all the time. I tell you, you give me the pesos...."


Blair: It's what you've always wanted, and now that you have it, you don't even dare to believe that it could be yours.
Todd: What are you talking about?
Blair: I'm talking about happiness, Todd. Happiness. You, me, and Starr, the family that you have always wanted. Except for the baby that was left behind in Mexico. And you think that that one tragedy is just going to wipe out all the other happiness that's right -- right within your reach.
Todd: You're right. How stupid of me.


[Posing for the family photo]
Blair: You call that a smile? You look like you just lost your best friend.
Todd: I don't have a best friend.
Blair: Well, you have me.
Starr: And me, and the baby, too. He would say it, but, you know, he can't talk.
Blair: And you know what, Todd -- I think you'd have more friends if you smiled more.
Todd: One more reason not to smile.
Starr: Hey, Mom?
Blair: Hmm?
Starr: Is Daddy ticklish?
Blair: Well, I don't know, Starr.
Todd: No. Don't even think about it.
Starr: Let's find out.


Blair: You know, I don't think that Starr would actually hurt Jack, but knowing the way that our daughter thinks, she's probably dreaming up some new scheme to get rid of him.
Todd: Lying and scheming -- where would she get such habits?


Kelly: You're going to tell me that you feel so bad about Blair’s feelings that you race out and adopt a baby? No, I don't think so.
Todd: Is it so hard to believe that even a low-life like me would want Blair to be happy? You don't really have to answer that.


Blair: (to Jack) Your Daddy is such a bad, bad boy.
Todd: If you only knew.


Blair: I know that you were planning to frame me for Asa’s murder.
Todd: Yeah, but nobody died, and everybody's got to remember that.


Gabrielle: (about Blair) She's as mad as you are.
Todd: I'm actually not that mad.


Blair: (about Todd) I hurt him. He hurt me. We hurt each other.
Gabrielle: Ah. Boy, you're really defending him. Wow.
Blair: But we're married now, and we love each other, and that's all that matters.
Gabrielle: Spare me the greeting card.
Blair: You know, you really can't grasp the concept of forgiveness, can you, Gabrielle? See, Todd and I forgave each other when we said our vows. We married each other, and we started over.


Todd: You already knew about the signature?
Blair: Mm-hmm. Yes, I did.
Todd: And you're not mad?
Blair: Uh-uh. Yes.
Todd: Have we evolved?
Blair: Yeah, I think we have.


David: Isn't your family worth $1 million to you, Todd?
Todd: What my family is worth to me is more than your sick little mind could fathom.


Todd: (to David) You wanted my money, you wanted my name, and I've got them both. I've got it all now. I've got a family, for whatever reason, I want to hold on to. And I'm not going to let anybody screw that up, especially not you.


Todd: (to David) Nobody is going to take my family away from me -- not you, not ever, because you're going to be dead, David. Do you hear what I’m saying?


Blair: Todd, please. When we keep things from each other, that's when we get in trouble.


Blair: After everything that we've been through, everything that we've done to each other, do you think there's anything that you could do that I wouldn't forgive you for?
Todd: Yeah.
Blair: No -- well, there isn’t. There isn't anything because I love you, Todd. No matter what, I love you.


Blair: Why don't I believe you, Todd?
Todd: Because I lie a lot.


David: (about Blair) She shot Max, according to the papers.
Todd: Well, that's Max. I mean, come on, so would you if you had the chance.


Blair: Who would have thought it?
Todd: Thought what?
Blair: That so long ago when we met, we were so depressed, we thought our lives were over.
Todd: Yeah, well, you were with Max. Your life was over.


Blair: It doesn't feel to bad to be normal. Does it?
Todd: I don't know. I guess I'm just not used to it yet.
Blair: Me, either. But we have the rest of our lives to try.


Gabrielle: (to Todd about Blair) Well, that was very sweet. If I didn't know better, I’d say you actually loved her.


Blair: (about Gabrielle) You can't stand her.
Todd: Yeah, well, I can't stand any of my employees. She'll fit right in.


Todd: Hey, hey, you want a laugh? I'll tell you a joke. All right, "Three cowboys walk into a bar, singing 'Westward --'"
Blair: What?
Todd: Oh, wait, I can't tell you that one.


[Todd explains why he hired Gabrielle at "The Sun"]
Todd: Okay, look, I run a tabloid here. "The Sun" is a tabloid.
Blair: Todd, I know that.
Todd: And it is my job to get people's attention, the more the merrier, and so to do that I appeal to the lowest common denominator. Hell, I got people that read my newspaper, Blair, they don't even know how to read. I mean, if you think about it, Gabrielle’s going to fit right in.


Todd: You know, no one would want to get rid of Gabrielle more than me. We would be doing the world a favor.
Blair: So, why don't we?
Todd: Nah, because then we'd have to go away for a little while, and then who would look after Jack and Starr? I mean, we can't put them at Viki’s house because she's already got extra kids she doesn't even know running around.


Blair: (about Gabrielle) If you think that I want to really, like, hurt her so I'd have to go to prison? I wouldn't do that. I couldn't do that.
Todd: Don't say that to Max. Oh, well, you know, I mean, he was asking for it. He was practically begging for it.


Todd: (to Blair) If you go to Sam and you tell him that we bought a baby, he's going to be disappointed in me, and then he's going to want to give me a speech.


Blair: (to Rae) Todd’s kind of had a bad day. I know he didn't mean to take it out on you. Did you, honey?
Todd: Yeah, I did.


Blair: (about Jack) How can he look so much like Starr?
Todd: I think he just looks like a baby.
Blair: Oh, I don't know. I mean, it's too much of a coincidence, isn't it? I mean --
Todd: Actually, Blair, it's not a coincidence. I mean, why do you think I had to have that baby? When I saw him, I said, "He's Starr, and I have to adopt him."


[While out celebrating Valentine's Day]
Blair: (referring to Gabrielle) I can't really do much celebrating if she's wandering around here.
Todd: Well, we should have stayed home. Oh, look, there's Max. And Bo. I'm out of here.
Blair: No, no. No, no. Hey. We don't have to see any of these people. It's Valentine’s Day. You just look at me and I'll just look at you. Deal?


Gabrielle: Todd, I've been thinking. I think I'm going to dedicate the entire style page to tonight's party. What do you think about that?
Todd: Blair, did you just hear something?
Blair: No, I didn't.
Todd: Must be one of those figment things.
Blair: Hmm. It must be.


Blair: You know, we don't know anything about Jack's genetic background. I mean, what if Nellie passed on some type of medical condition on to him?
Todd: She didn't.
Blair: How do you know for sure?
Todd: Well, look at him. It's not like he's got two heads or something.


Blair: Are you purposely putting off contacting Jack's birth mother for her medical records?
Todd: No.
Blair: "No"? Why do I get the feeling that maybe you are?
Todd: I don't know. Paranoia?


Bo: Todd and Blair -- never a dull moment.


Blair: Congratulations, Jack Cramer Manning, you beautiful, beautiful boy. It was a wonderful christening, wasn't it?
Todd: Yeah, most of it.
Blair: Well, what wasn't?
Todd: Oh, Ben, Viki. Addie. Oh -- and especially Andrew. Other than that, I guess --


Blair: (about Starr) I thought that we had gotten through to her, but she just keeps lying to us. I guess that old saying is true -- the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree.
Todd: Not in this house.
Blair: Well, at least you admit it.
Todd: Why wouldn't I admit it?
Blair: Look, you know what? You should just give yourself some credit. I do. It takes a lot of guts to admit that your own daughter learned to lie from you.
Todd: Whoa, from me? No, I was talking about you.


Todd: Are you calling me a liar?
Blair: A liar? You invented the word, Todd. Look at the newspaper that you run.
Todd: I stand by every single story I've ever printed in "The Sun."
Blair: Oh, no. You stand behind every single word you print in "The Sun."
Todd: Yeah, well, at least my lies make money. What do your lies do?


Todd: You lied about being pregnant when you found out I was rich, just to get me to marry you.
Blair: Well, that's because I was.
Todd: Yeah, but you didn't know that.
Blair: Well, that just goes to show you how honest I am. Even when I think I'm lying, I'm telling the truth.


Todd: I can think of a million lies you've told me.
Blair: Well, I can think of a million lies you've told me, too.
Todd: Yeah, and whose fault is that?
Blair and Todd: Yours.