Blair & Kelly [2003-2006]

[Kelly returns to town and is surprised to find Blair with Kevin]
Kevin: We were just chasing down a story, actually --
Kelly: Oh, together?
Dorian: Yes. Blair crtainly wasn't going to let Kevin scoop her, were you, Blair?
Kevin: There you go.
Kelly: Well, I am glad that somebody is keeping this husband of mine honest.
Dorian: Ha!
Kelly: It is so good to see you.
Blair: Yeah, it's good to see you, too, Kelly.


[Kelly worries that Kevin is having an affair]
Blair: Would you stop obsessing? I can almost guarantee you that Kevin is not having an affair with Rex Balsom.
Kelly: Oh, I forgot how funny you think you are.


Kelly: Looking at Kevin from a distance, it's almost like looking at a stranger.
Blair: Kelly, you've been married to the man for almost two years now. If you think that your husband is a stranger, then maybe you should, like, reassess your marriage.


Blair: I told you, Walker and I, we just work together.
Kelly: Uh-huh.
Blair: Mm-hmm.
Kelly: And you haven't noticed that he's hot?


Kelly: It's different with Kevin. We don't worry about the small stuff. It's the big stuff that's important to us. We're very connected. You know, even when we're apart, it's like we're together, and we always will be.
Blair: Hmm. Life can surprise you, Kelly. A man can surprise you.
Kelly: Blair, you can't judge every man in terms of Todd.


Kelly: One thing I do know is that our little aunt Dorian here has got way too much time on her hands. You know what we should do, Blair?
Blair: Hmm?
Kelly: We should find her a man. It could be like a new reality show.
Blair: Gee whiz, I'll produce it.
Kelly: Great.


[Kelly tells Blair that she and Kevin are trying to have a baby]
Kelly: We have wanted a family for so long. It's finally happening.
Blair: Well, it'll change things.
Kelly: For the better.
Blair: Hmm, it did for me. Jack and Starr have made me a better person. I mean, I think so, anyway.
Kelly: Oh, really? Well, that makes one of us.
Blair: Oh, you'd better watch it.
Kelly: I could learn a lot from you.
Blair: Yeah, how to spoil your kids.
Kelly: Oh, your kids aren't spoiled...okay, Starr may be a little.


Kelly: Marriage is a huge decision. It's not something that should be rushed into.
Blair: Oh, and like, right, you're the expert.
Kelly: All right, I don't have to be an expert to know that you need to share a common goal.
Blair: What is that? Like make Kevin president?


Kelly: (about stepson Duke) He and I don't get along as well as I had hoped. Who am I kidding? We don't get along at all.
Blair: Well, have you tried bribery?
Kelly: First thing.


Kelly: I mean, getting married changes everything between two people, and if you make a mistake, it's very hard to change --
Blair: Wait a minute, time out here. Are we talking about you and Kevin, or are we talking about Walker and me?
Kelly: Hey, I'm just trying to be all grown-up and maternal.


[Dorian dreams about Blair and Kelly battling it out]
Blair: You broke my nail, Kelly!
Kelly: You messed up my hair!
Blair: Your hair is fake, anyway!


Kelly: Kevin and I survived what happened in Texas, but what we couldn't survive is if one of us fell in love with someone else.
Blair: That is incredible justification. Now, did you come up with that, or was that Kevin?


[Kelly is suspicious that Blair is having an affair with Kevin]
Blair: Did you notice my big ring here?
Kelly: Yeah.
Blair: I just got married to Walker, and I love him, and I would never do anything to betray him. And I can't believe you're turning all this around to make it like you're the victim, as you always do.


Paul: I wish there was something I could do to help.
Kelly: Maybe you could put the moves on Blair and try and steal her away from Kevin.
Paul: I don't think I'm her type.
Kelly: Maybe you could just kill her, then.


Kelly: (to "Todd"/Victor) Blair's very good at lying. It's how she breaks up other people's marriages.


Dorian: I'm late for a meeting with Kelly.
Blair: Oh, Kelly. Please, go take care of your dear little victim niece Kelly.


Blair: After everything that Todd has done to me -- this time, Kelly, he raped me. How do you expect me to ever love him again?
Kelly: It's a question, and I haven't heard the word "no."


Kevin: You can count on me, okay, even after the baby comes. You can call me or Kelly anytime.
Blair: You know what, you probably shouldn't speak for Kelly.


Kelly: I'm trying to get a hold of Kevin now. Would you please try him again?
Dorian: I've tried -- let's see -- I've tried home, I've tried his cell, I've tried Viki's, the office --
Kelly: Have you tried Blair? Call her. I bet she knows where he is.


Kelly: You don't seem to have much of a life around here.
Blair: I didn't expect you to understand because you're married to Mr. Wonderful.
Kelly: Yeah, so wonderful, you had to sleep with him yourself.


Kevin: Kelly wouldn't lie to me if Todd hadn't put her up to it.
Blair: Oh. Ha! See, I think the Kelly we both know lies all the time.


[Blair goes after Kelly after she finds out Kelly is lying about Ace being "Todd"/Victor's child]
Blair: Stop it! Stop it! Kelly, this isn't about you! There are other people involved here -- not just me and Todd and Kevin, but my kids! And Ace! He's not even your baby! And now you're telling everybody --
Kelly: He is my -- he is my son! You're just jealous. You're jealous because I got Kevin back and I slept with Todd!
Blair: Oh, you -- (she attacks Kelly)
Kelly: Blair! Let go of me!


Dorian: I'm afraid if Kelly loses Ace, she'll lose her mind.
Blair: Well, then get her into therapy.


Viki: You know, I don't understand you, either. Why are you not livid with Kelly for dragging your husband into this?
Blair: (chuckling) I'm very livid with Kelly, and if you read somewhere that something happened to her, I did it.


[Dorian throws a Cramer party for Adriana's new-found brother Tico Santi -- Blair takes the opportunity to goad Kelly about how she stole Ace]
Blair: (to Tico) My wonderful husband and I have two beautiful children, and he is just dying to have more kids! You should see Kelly's baby while you're here. I mean, he is really something. And Kelly -- oh, Kelly is just so proud of him, aren't you, Kelly?
Dorian: Blair --
Blair: Are you going to have more children, Kelly, huh?
Kelly: How dare you, you evil bitch!
Blair: I just asked a question.
Dorian: All right. Oh, we got a little misunderstanding going here.
Blair: I know you love children.


[The Cramer/Tico dinner party continues]
Tico: Well, there's nothing worse than to steal from your own family.
Blair: Hmm. Stealing is bad, hmm?
Dorian: And, of course, there's nothing better than family loyalty. I have to say that there isn't anything that I would not do for my family.
Blair: Are you implying that I wouldn't?
Kelly: Oh, I think you've done enough.
Blair: Kelly, why don't you just run upstairs and go play with your baby.
Kelly: Damn it, Blair, just stop it! Just stop!


[Dorian tries to get rid of Blair before she can provoke Kelly any further]
Dorian: And, Blair, dear, didn't you say you had to leave early? The children?
Blair: Yes. My children -- I must go check on them, because I hear they are stealing babies around here.
Kelly: Can you allow me the small happiness I have left?
Blair: Why, Kelly? Because it's a lie!


[Kelly makes a scene at the Cramer/Tico dinner party]
Dorian: (to Tico) I don't know how to explain this, except that Kelly's in the middle of a divorce.
Blair: Oh, please.


Dorian: What is the matter with you? Augustico is Adriana's brother. I really wanted him to have a good impression of the Cramer side of the family.
Blair: Well, you should have given Kelly a sedative before you invited him over here.


Addie: He's the most beautiful baby I ever saw! Except for Starr and Jack and Blair.
Kelly: (unenthusiastically) Thanks, Addie.


Dorian: You are a Cramer. The Cramers are in crisis right now. I would think that you would want to stick by your blood relations in their time of need.
Blair: Yeah, whose need, Kelly's? Which cost Todd his job, his reputation?
Dorian: What reputation?
Blair: Because of her, my daughter comes to me thinking that she has an illegitimate brother, Dorian.
Kelly: Why does everyone keep talking like I'm not in the room?
Blair: Oh, Kelly, I would so not like to talk to you because I don't even want to think about you.


[Kelly is surprised to see Blair at Ace's custody hearing]
Kelly: What are you doing here?
Blair: I came to stand by you. We're family. We should be together in times like these. Although, I don't know if I'll forgive you for dragging Todd into this mess that you've created, but I don't want you to lose your little boy. I know what that feels like. No one should have to endure that.


Kelly: I just thought I'd check in, see how you were doing.
Blair: I'm fine.
Kelly: You're always fine. You're the strong one in the family.


Blair: If I don't get some answers to where Todd is or why he took off, I think I'm going to lose my mind.
Kelly: Well, then there's only one thing to do.
Blair: Oh, please don't start with any Cramer-woman lecture like Dorian.


Blair: You want to help me find Todd? Why, Kelly?
Kelly: Because we're family.
Blair: Family didn't stop you from almost destroying Todd and me when you claimed Todd was Ace's father, now, did it?
Kelly: Well, family didn't stop you from doing a lot of things, including sleeping with Kevin. But a lot has happened this last year, and it makes things seem insignificant, and I just want my family around me. I am sorry I dragged you into my problems.
Blair: Thank you. I've waited a long time to hear that apology.


Kelly: Voicemail again.
Blair: Hmm. Kevin's avoiding you. Now, gee, that's a surprise.


[Blair is missing and presumed dead]
Kelly: (to Adriana, about Blair) Well, I guess, in some ways, we were like sisters, you know? I mean, real sisters. We were close one minute and at each other's throats the next. But I'd give anything if she could walk through that door right now.


Dorian: Oh, honey, you look beautiful, and I love that dress.
Blair: Well, thank you.
Kelly: Are those my shoes?


[Kelly is trying to decide between two dresses]
Kelly: Okay, you're going to have to make me choose which one. I have to make a decision, and I can't.
Blair: Right, Barbie.


[Kelly shows Blair one of the dresses she picked out]
Kelly: Well, I want to look nice.
Blair: Nice girls don't wear dresses without backs.
Kelly: That's the front.
Blair: Oh, my.


Blair: Kevin still loves you.
Kelly: Well, that doesn't mean I'm in love with him.
Blair: Oh, come on. I see the signs. I know the signs. Remember? You meet someone, you fall in love with them, and then, you know, all hell breaks loose. You start making each other's lives miserable, you go your separate ways, and then you think, "Well, I'm going to spend the rest of my life hating this person," and then you look at him a certain way, you touch him a certain way, they smell a certain way. And then you realize that you know what? That love's not dead. It was just buried.
Kelly: That's your life, Blair, not mine.


Blair: (to Dorian) No one is murdering anyone here, okay?
Kelly: Ah, it's another lovely Cramer family gathering, I see.


[Dorian keeps lecturing Blair about her recent behavior at St. Ann's]
Kelly: Are you still talking about that? Can't we just let that go?
Blair: Thank you, Kelly. Thank you so much.
Kelly: No thank you. It's the least I could do, because for a brief, wonderful moment in time, your little incident has pulled her focus away from my wanting to get pregnant.


Dorian: You know how I feel. You know I think it's a very bad idea, a very dangerous thing for you to try and carry a baby again. And you know that I'm a doctor and I know what I'm talking about.
Blair: Excuse me, Kelly, did she actually give an opinion and is going to allow you to make your own decision here? I mean --
Kelly and Blair: Nah.


Blair: (to Kelly) You know, you say you want to be a close family? Why don't you act like it.


[Kelly asks Blair to be her birth coach]
Kelly: I don't really have anyone to go with me and the doctor said that women who've had babies before are really good coaches, so would you --
Blair: You want me to be there in your most special moment of your life?
Kelly: I would love that.


[Kelly tells Blair that she walked in on Dorian and David having sex on the kitchen counter]
Blair: Ew, gross! I'm never going to eat at the counter again!
Kelly: No, me, neither.
Blair: Ew.
Kelly: And -- and, he apparently -- he's moving back in.
Blair: Now, I know you're lying.
Kelly: No. She feels sorry for him, and I do, too. I mean, she assured me that they're not going to be sharing the same bedroom.
Blair: Well, why do they need to share a bedroom when they have a counter?


Kelly: What's up with the security guard?
Blair: Starr's grounded.
Kelly: Okay. Most of the time when someone's grounded, they don't get their own security detail.
Blair: Long story.