Blair & Dorian [2006-2008]

[Dorian arrives at the courthouse when "Todd"/Victor is on trial for killing Margaret]
Blair: All right, you know what, if you're here to cheer on the prosecution, you just turn around and go home, and I'm asking you nicely.
Dorian: No, you're not, you're bullying me and I'm not going to take it.
Blair: Which is stronger, Dorian, your hate for Todd or your love for me? Because if it's the hate -- I can't take it today.


Clint: Blair's been through enough. She doesn't need to turn on the news and hear you pounding nails into Todd's coffin.
Dorian: She's finally going to get that monster out of her life. Forgive me, but I feel like celebrating.
Clint: Here's a piece of advice -- don't say that to her if you ever want her to speak to you again.


Blair: I'm just afraid.
Spencer: Well, I'll be here for you, if that makes it any easier.
Dorian: No, I will be. I'm family.
Blair: Oh, come on, Dorian, it's not a competition.


Dorian: Blair, this is a terrible mistake. What makes you think that Spencer is any better than Todd?
Blair: Shh, nothing is going on with Spencer and me.
Dorian: I don't call sex "nothing going on."
Blair: There wasn't sex, Dorian! He slept right here on the sofa. Look. Evidence -- pillow, blankets, sheets.
Dorian: Still too close for comfort, as far as I'm concerned. The man is a predator.


Dorian: I know this is very difficult for you.
Blair: Yeah. And why are you here, as always, making it worse for me?


Dorian: (to Blair) You make your worst decisions when you're in pain.


[Blair freaks out when "Todd"/Victor is sentenced to death by lethal injection]
Dorian: Try to calm down, okay? It's over.
Blair: Just let go of me! You don't understand! None of you understand! How do you explain to your children that their father's been sentenced to death, huh? Just don't touch me, Dorian! Stop acting like you care about Todd! You've hated him ever since I met him! So now he's going to die. You happy now? Huh?


Dorian: Blair, I am deeply concerned about Asa. Deep.
Blair: Oh, yeah, as deeply as you are about global warming.


[Dorian criticizes the workers at Craze magazine]
Dorian: Why is everybody standing around the hallway? Back to work. This magazine is not going to publish itself. Thank you.
Blair: Dorian, I think you need to work on your managerial skills. Otherwise, you're going to have a mutiny around here.
Dorian: Blair, those people are used to being coddled by you.
Blair: Oh, really?
Dorian: And as for my managerial skills, they're exemplary.
Blair: Mm-hmm. Why don't you try a whip and some thigh-high boots next time?


Dorian: Adriana is a grown woman now, and she says that Rex is the only man who can make her happy, and who am I to interfere?
Blair: What are you talking about? You always interfere. You interfered with me and Todd, Kelly and Kevin, Cassie and Kevin, Cassie and Andrew, Cassie and everybody.


Dorian: I've decided to try something new.
Blair: Please. How many times have we heard that?


[Dorian is getting together with Clint]
Blair: I guess the upside of it is you're just going to be butting out of my life right now, right?
Dorian: Oh, that's quite a windfall, isn't it?


Dorian: (about Adriana) I think she's going to have a hard time getting Rex out of this one.
Blair: Hmm. Yeah, and I can see it's just tearing you up inside, isn't it?


[Dorian is happy that Rex and Adriana's relationship is in trouble]
Dorian: Yes, I predict a mercifully rapid end to this relationship, which -- it would have only have caused her heartbreak. What?
Blair: Are you always this smug and self-satisfied when one of your girls gets hurt by the man that they love, huh? Because if that's true, Dorian, it's ugly. It's really ugly.
Dorian: I just want my girls to be happy and healthy and in love.
Blair: With the man that you handpick for us?
Dorian: You're only human. And human beings make mistakes. Goodness knows, I've made mistakes. I -- you're certainly not going to blame me for wanting to protect you girls, to -- to share my experience so that you don't have to endure the kind of suffering that I have in my life. And I'm not going to apologize for trying to protect you girls from -- from pain and heartbreak.


Blair: I am so sick of everyone warning me about Spencer.
Dorian: Blair, where there's smoke, there's usually fire.
Blair: Oh, come on. You know what? I love you, Dorian, but when it comes to the men in my life, you're like the aunt that cried "wolf."


Dorian: And before you start saying that David has always harbored some sort of irrational hatred of his brother, that he's jealous of him, etc., etc. --
Blair: You know, you're having a fine conversation. You don’t really need me to join in. You're doing just fine.


Dorian: David's very words were that you were to get away from Spencer "before the hammer comes down."
Blair: You and David are both drama queens.
Dorian: Oh! Excuse me, but nobody's life has more drama in it than yours does at the moment.
Blair: And I don’t need you adding to it!


Blair: Todd, Paige, David -- they're all jealous of Spencer. They're jealous because he's world-renowned, he's accomplished, and he's rich!
Dorian: He's also a fiend and a sociopath.


Blair: (about Spencer) We have a relationship based on total honesty.
Dorian: As if that were possible with Spencer.
Blair: All right, you know what? La-la-la I'm not listening to you anymore. La-la-la.


Dorian: I love you, all right? But you are doing what you always do. You -- you are escaping into the arms of another man. Yes. Yes! That's what you do.
Blair: That is not what this is.
Dorian: You are my sister's child, but I love you as if you were my own. I know what you do when you're frightened. Instead of running away from men, you run right towards them. That's your coping mechanism. And, you know, maybe it's fine to rebound into some man's arms, maybe it's even harmless, but not when it's somebody as dangerous as Spencer is.


Blair: Okay, Dorian, why don't you tell Spencer what you were telling me.
Dorian: I most certainly will not. We are family. We have history.
Blair: A history of problems.
Dorian: Which we have always gotten through, and we have become stronger because of them.


Dorian: (to Spencer) You don’t deserve to be part of our family, and as far as I'm concerned, you never will.
Blair: Whoo. She's put on her boxing gloves.


Blair: (to Adriana) Well, that's one thing that's never going to change, and that's Dorian.


Spencer: Oh, Blair’s through with Todd. She’s over him.
Dorian: How many times have I heard that in the past? I've learned not to get my hopes up.


[Blair wants to go to the prison before "Todd"/Victor is executed]
Dorian: Are you sure that you should go to the prison? It really just seems to me like it's a really masochistic, almost ghoulish thing to do.
Blair: Please -- please, don't do this to me, please.
Dorian: But just know this. I -- I -- I hope and I pray that when this is over, you will be able to move on to -- to the kind of life that you deserve.
Blair: Haven't I gotten that already?
Dorian: Oh, don't you do that. Don't you blame yourself for this. You -- you have loved with all your heart and soul a man. You have given him two gorgeous children. It's not your fault --
Blair: Don't --
Dorian: That he turned out to be a sociopathic killer.
Blair: Don't! Please, don't do this. Now, I doubt if Starr will want to talk about it, but if she does -- if she does, you speak about Todd with respect. Because no matter what you think about him, that man will always be that little girl's father. Always.


[Dorian has been accused of hiring someone to stalk Adriana in a bid to break her and Rex up]
Blair: So this complete stranger comes up to you in the bar and says, "Uh, excuse me, ma'am, would you mind if I stalked your beautiful daughter?" And you say, "Well, sure. Go ahead and stalk her."
Dorian: Stop. Excuse me.
Blair: "Maybe you'd like to kill her."


Dorian: (about "Todd"/Victor) He's rejected you time and time again. He kicked you out of your own home. For goodness sakes, you're trying to win back a man who doesn't want to be won.
Blair: And when has that ever stopped you from going after the man that you want, huh?
Dorian: Touché.


Dorian: There's nothing whatsoever going on between David and me. Darling, that ship sailed long ago. In fact, it capsized. But luckily, we've managed to become friends again.
Blair: Hmm. Friends?
Dorian: Yes, friends, and I assure you that's all.
Blair: Ha-ha. Oh, that's so funny because, see, Kelly mentioned that she walked in on you guys here on the counter. He was, like, icing your cupcakes or something.


Blair: Dorian, you're a genius.
Dorian: I was just thinking that myself.


Blair: You know, I have tried talking to Todd, having sex with Todd -- doing all the things that other women do. But you know, I realized that I am not any other woman, right?
Dorian: Spoken like a true Cramer.


Blair: It seems like I'm always under stress these days.
Dorian: Yeah, because you're -- you're always chasing after men who don't deserve you.
Blair: Oh, excuse me, is this the pot calling the kettle black?


[Blair is pregnant and they don't know if the father is Spencer or "Todd"/Victor]
Dorian: When I found out that I was pregnant with Manuel's baby -- talk about "sociopath" -- I was terrified. I mean, what -- what about my future, and what about the baby's?
Blair: Are we going to talk about my possible pregnancy here, or are we going to talk about you?


Dorian: By telling Todd the baby is his, even if it turns out to be Spencer's. Blair -- it's not going to work.
Blair: Well, I think it's a perfect idea.
Dorian: Look, Todd may be many, many awful things, but he's not stupid, okay? He can add.


["Todd"/Victor has hired Rex to try to find out what Spencer did to his baby]
Blair: Spencer's never going to tell us where that baby is. Of course, Rex has hit some kind of roadblock.
Dorian: Rex couldn't find snow in Alaska.


[Blair plans to tell "Todd"/Victor that the baby is his even if it turns out to be Spencer's]
Dorian: First of all, Todd's a bit too cagey. He'll demand proof.
Blair: Okay. Okay, Miss Maven of Manipulation. You got a better idea? Hit me with it. Come on.
Dorian: This is no time to be calling me names, darling.


[The doctor Marty brought in says that Blair is dying after her fall off the roof]
Dorian: You were supposed to bring somebody in to help, and you -- you bring this defeatist?
Marty: I am sorry, Dorian.
Dorian: Save your apologies for Blair's children.


[Dorian visits an unconcious Blair in the hospital]
Dorian: Listen up. I do not intend to live the rest of my life without you. You're not just my niece. You're my right hand, my friend. This cannot be.


Dorian: (to an unconcious Blair) Ever since you came into my life, hell-bent for revenge, my life has been fuller and richer because of you. I'm very proud to call you my niece. And I'm prouder still to call you my friend. Keep fighting, Blair. I'm not ready to say goodbye.


[Dorian visits Blair after she's woken up at the hospital]
Dorian: Hello. Oh, you look beautiful.
Blair: Oh, you're a liar.
Dorian: I am not a liar. You look beautiful because it's beautiful having you back with us.


Dorian: Admittedly, Todd has never been one of my favorite people.
Blair: Huh -- really? You know, I -- I never noticed that before.


Lindsay: You must be so happy about Blair.
Dorian: "Happy" does not begin to cover it. Can you imagine the doctors told us to say goodbye to her? That was one of the worst moments in my life.


[Blair wants to leave the hospital]
Dorian: Are you out of your mind, Blair? I know for a fact the doctors want to keep you here so they can monitor you.
Blair: No, they want to keep me here so they can take my temperature in the middle of the night so I can't sleep.


Evangeline: Since when did you become pro Todd and Blair?
Dorian: I'm not so much pro-them as I am pro-her. I want Blair to be happy for once in her life. And if being with Todd does it for her, then so be it.


Dorian: I've got to come up with a reason why I have to go to little Julie Vega's birthday party.
Blair: Dorian, I think it's, uh, Jamie Vega.
Dorian: Oh, whatever. I'll -- I'll call ahead to Logan's toy department, have them wrap up some of the most expensive toys that they've got. I mean, they won't be able to refuse my going to that party. Besides which, why wouldn't I be there? Didn't I practically raise Antonio and Cristian? Please!


[Dorian and Blair are characters in Starr's fairy tale]
Dorian: (about King Todd) That horrible monarch will not cut off your beautiful head.
Queen Blair: But I betrayed him. I committed adultery with a scoundrel.
Dorian: That's what royal people do.


Blair: (about her relationship with "Todd"/Victor) I thought I made it very clear this time that it was over.
Dorian: This time and every other time.
Blair: Don't start.


Blair: (about "Todd"/Victor) Why are you defending him all of a sudden?
Dorian: Well, I'm just thinking maybe you were just a bit hasty ending things with him.
Blair: I had to. I just didn't expect him to go fall in love the very next day.
Dorian: Yeah, it must be really irritating to have him take you at your word.


Blair: You know what? I am not going to talk to you about this anymore.
Dorian: All right. Whatever.
Blair: Oh, don't "whatever" me.
Dorian: I'll "whatever" you if I want to.


[Blair informs Dorian that bail hasn't been set yet]
Dorian: Well, this is absolutely medieval! I mean, I'm telling you, that accident must have knocked a few screws loose in John McBain's head.
Blair: Dorian, you know he's not the kind of cop who arrests people for no reason.
Dorian: Oh? Since when?


[Dorian accuses Blair of being jealous of "Todd"/Victor and Evangeline]
Blair: I am not jealous. I dumped Todd. You remember that. I don't care what he does or who he does it with.
Dorian: This is so classic. You don't want Todd, but you don't want anybody else to have him, either. Because no matter what you say, Blair, you're still in love with him.


Dorian: Blair, nothing would make me happier than to know that you are finally over Todd, but unfortunately, that is not true. He's in your blood.
Blair: Well, I'll get a transfusion.


Dorian: How do you do it?
Blair: What?
Dorian: How do you set your sights on one inappropriate man after another?


Blair: (about Miles Laurence) He's charming -- and innocent and a lot of things, he doesn't know about the world.
Dorian: Oh, I see. And you're going to play teacher to Mitch Laurence's baby brother?
Blair: I didn't say that! I just said he's nothing like Mitch. He's direct and he's -- he's honest.
Dorian: Oh, I get it. Right -- you have found yourself the anti-Todd.


Blair: Starr got invited to the prom.
Dorian: Well, isn't that good news?
Blair: No, it's tonight!
Dorian: Are you telling me that some young man invited her just this afternoon?
Blair: Dorian, I'm not going to get into the dating etiquette with you.


[Dorian plans to snag Clint]
Dorian: So if you look at it one way, I am the one who saved Jessica's life. After all, it was my idea to go all the way up to the prison and -- and get David to be tested, and then, of course, I encouraged him to go through with it. So, after all, what can happen except that Clint's affection for me will exponentially increase?
Blair: You are a piece of work.
Dorian: Thank you.


Blair: I'm looking at my website.
Dorian: You have a website?
Blair: Yeah. I created one to help find Todd. People can anonymously, you know, log on and leave tips and sightings -- you know, things like that.
Dorian: Mm-hmm. And how many people have left tips and sightings anonymously?
Blair: Put a sock in it.
Dorian: Ooh.


[Blair sees that Dorian has the Woman of the Year trophy]
Blair: What are you doing with that?
Dorian: Well, uh, it occurred to me that it might have gotten left behind during all of the commotion, so I sent Clayton over there this morning to The Palace to look for it and -- voila.
Blair: You went to all that trouble to get an award that's not even yours?
Dorian: Well, I thought a responsible person should take charge of it until the committee chooses a more suitable recipient.
Blair: You stole it, didn't you?
Dorian: I did not steal it! Well, I -- I was doing my civic duty.
Blair: Oh, yeah, by making sure some busboy didn't pocket it? Mm-hmm.
Dorian: Well, that's exactly right, and -- and I'll give it back to the -- I will give it back to the committee this afternoon. But they -- they are surely going to disqualify Lindsay and, well, honey, I've done an awful lot of things that I'm proud of in the past year.
Blair: I knew it! I knew you stole that!
Dorian: I did-- it is not impossible that they would choose me.
Blair: Oh, come on. You'd be the committee's third choice, and that would be behind an accused murderer.
Dorian: Sometimes it takes people time to get it right.
Blair: Oh, come on. Do yourself a favor -- just get that back and forget about it.
Dorian: And why should I?
Blair: Well, let's see -- Nora ended up in a coma, Evangeline is in a coma, and Lindsay's in a jail cell. I wouldn't touch that with 10-foot pole.
Dorian: Ooh. Maybe you're right. Maybe I should convince them to give it to Viki for a second time.
Blair: Oh, you're awful.


Dorian: (to Lindsay) Whoever killed Spencer Truman did the world a favor. They saved Blair from being raped or worse, so if you did kill him, I've got one thing to say to you -- thank you. You don't deserve just Woman of the Year. You deserve Woman of the Century.


Blair: You know, the McBains are not the only ones that could be hurt here.
Dorian: Oh, that's right. Todd first. Everybody else be damned.


Dorian: You're not in love with Todd.
Blair: Yes, we still love each other.
Dorian: Say that again.
Blair: The other night at the Palace, we admitted that we still loved each other.
Dorian: Admitting you have a problem is the first step.
Blair: Okay, you know what? We also admitted that we're wrong for each other. We're like a train wreck -- we crash, we burn, we take innocent bystanders with us and we both realized that we don't want that anymore.
Dorian: Well, this is historic.


Blair: You look very interesting, Dorian, and you're drinking a beer.
Starr: Yeah, at lunch.
Dorian: I thought I'd broaden my horizons.
Blair: Really?


[Lindsay has just been arrested for killing Spencer Truman]
Dorian: What are you reading?
Blair: Actually, I'm looking for the perfect gift to send over to Lindsay over at St. Ann's, but what says "thank you for ridding us of the psychopath-at-large" and "get well"? You know, and somehow I just don't think fruitcake is going to cut it.


[Blair and "Todd"/Victor are engaged again]
Dorian: Blair, what are you thinking? How many broken marriages to the same man do you need to have before you realize the two of you don't work?
Blair: Ah -- it's different this time.
Dorian: Really?
Blair: Yeah.
Dorian: Can I tell you the earth was cooling when the first abused woman used that phrase.


[Blair explains that she's marrying "Todd"/Victor to help him get his son back]
Blair: If the judge buys it, Todd gets his son back. If he doesn't, nothing's changed, and we haven't lost anything, right?
Dorian: Oh, please, don't ask me that question.


Blair: You know, I know that I give you a hard time, especially when you do it to me, but I think for Langston's sake, she's lucky to have someone that is a meddling busybody like you.
Dorian: I'm going to take that as a compliment.


Blair: There's no way that we can guarantee that everything is going to turn out perfectly.
Dorian: Why not?
Blair: You sound like Starr.
Dorian: Oh -- you are the realist, and we are the magical thinkers.


[Dorian and Blair talk about Blair's life in the foster care system]
Blair: I remember back then and how reckless I was and, good lord, all the mistakes that I made. I'm still paying for them.
Dorian: Blair, I wish I had known about you and your situation back then.
Blair: Is that why you're so intent on helping Langston now -- because you feel guilty about not being there for me all those years ago?
Dorian: That certainly is part of it.


Blair: (about Langston) How am I supposed to take on a grieving, needy teenager?
Dorian: Oh, is that because you lack energy or generosity of spirit?
Blair: Dorian --
Dorian: I am merely trying to get this straight.


Blair: Okay, you saw Clint and Nora kissing and then you slept with David?
Dorian: Look, just don't you dare suggest that I am responsible for Clint breaking up with me. There's only one person responsible, and that is Nora. Nora set a trap for Clint, and he walked right into it. Well, I'm telling you something. Nora is going to regret the day that she ever crossed me!
Blair: God help Nora.


Blair: What happened between Marty and Todd was --
Dorian: Excuse me? Is that a euphemism -- "what happened"? Rape! That's -- rape what happened.


Dorian: (about "Todd"/Victor) You love him. Yes -- you love him so much, you went traipsing around, helping him look for his son. You love him so much, you're going to go out and find him now, throw your arms around him and make him think --
Blair: What? What, Dorian? What?
Dorian: I ask you. That kind of behavior from you -- what does that say to him about who you are in his life?
Blair: It tells him that I'm his wife!


Dorian: Oh, I'm so looking forward to this -- the Cramer women bonding over mulled cider -- ha-ha! Nouvelle cuisine, happy tales of our family history.
Blair: Ah. Sounds like torture to me.
Dorian: It's going to be a very good introduction to family for Langston.
Blair: What are you talking about, "family"? You let Kelly bail, you didn't even call Cassie, and I'm sure you're going to have to kidnap Adriana just to get her here.


Dorian: Blair, darling -- well, as you can see, Adriana's here. I -- I'm sure that the two of you will get along well in the spirit of the holidays, and if not, will you fake it for my sake?


[Addie's doctor has released her from St. Anne's because, thanks to some new meds, she's now sane]
Dorian: (about Addie) She's having some sort of manic episode. Don't you see? What's going to happen when it goes the other way? It -- despair, depression, suicidal thoughts?
Blair: Dorian, come on. I don't think she looks manic at all. I mean, she truly looks happy.
Dorian: Manically happy.


Dorian: (about Addie) And then she didn't let me fall asleep until, what, 4:30 A.M.? Then she wakes me up and says, "Can the cook make cupcakes for breakfast?"
Blair: That's great. Oh, come on, she's harmless, Dorian. She's like a -- a kid in a candy store.
Dorian: Make that a bakery.


Blair: I feel like I finally have my mother back. Wait -- I don't even know why I'm saying "back" because I never even had her. Dorian, I feel like, you know, I have my mama, the real her.
Dorian: "The real Addie" I have known, loved, and taken care of for years. That woman is a stranger to me.
Blair: Yeah, and if you keep up that attitude, she always will be.


Dorian: How does Todd do it? He's off goodness knows where chasing after his baby boy, and yet, he still has time to publish this slanderous rag.
Blair: Well, what can I say, Dorian? Todd is a get-er-done kind of guy.


[Marcie is holding Viki hostage at the diner in Paris, Texas]
Dorian: I'm sure Viki will be happy to fill us in on all the details.
Blair: Yeah, if Marcie doesn't shoot her first.
Dorian: Oh. Marcie's not going to shoot her. I mean, you know, that's just something people do when they're desperate.
Blair: Oh, that's right -- shoot people.


[Adriana doesn't want to invite Blair to her and Rex's wedding]
Blair: (to Dorian) The only way I would go to that wedding is so I could throw something at the happy couple, and it wouldn't be rice.


Dorian: If your husband doesn't get control of himself, he's out of this house.
Blair: Well, if you kick Todd out, you're going to kick me out, because I'm going with him.
Dorian: Oh? You're going to choose the psychopath over your family?
Blair: You know, he's my family now, Dorian. I'm his wife.


Blair: Are you all right?
Dorian: I'm perfectly fine, thank you. I just had a minor run-in with a sprinkler system, thank you.
Blair: Well, what happened?
Dorian: What happened is Nora Hanen Buchanan Whatever Whatever.


Dorian: I hope I can find an umbrella to put in my adult beverage.
Blair: Oh, will you make me one? No umbrellas, though.
Dorian: Straight vodka?
Blair: Yeah.
Dorian: Well. Skoal, baby.
Blair: Skoal, baby.


Dorian: (to Langston) Blair will calm Todd down. She's -- she's expert at that.


Charlie: Viki and Dorian aren't all that close.
Blair: Oh, I think that's sugarcoating it, like, by a cup and a half.


Dorian: (about Starr) Todd is her father. For goodness sakes, what kind of a parent needs to control their child like that?
Blair: I don't know. Maybe you should tell me -- or maybe I'll just ask Adriana.


Blair: You do this destructive stuff all in the name of protecting your daughter. It's right out of one of Todd's playbooks.
Dorian: Don't you ever, ever compare me to Todd!
Blair: Well, stop acting like him, then.


Blair: Look, I'm no fan of Adriana, but come on -- she should be able to marry whoever she wants.
Dorian: If their relationship can't survive a little interference from me, then maybe it isn't true love.


[Dorian has taken over Buchanan Enterprises; she shows the Cramer women a new corporate logo]
Dorian: Well, this is just a mock-up. It can always be changed. If you don't like Cramer Enterprises, C.E. --
Blair: Just so original. You know, B.E. to C.E. In one ruthless swoop.
Dorian: I considered Melador, but we've done that.


Blair: You walk in here. You tell me you've been talking to Mel, who's been dead for years. Then you tell me you got feelings for Charlie Banks?
Dorian: No, I said that Mel thinks that I have feelings for Charlie.
Blair: Oh, I'm glad you cleared that up for me. Did Mel tell you this after you'd had a couple of adult beverages, Dorian?
Dorian: No, it happened the night that Viki and I had our accident.
Blair: Oh, you mean the night that you brought Viki back from the dead? Did Mel happen to come along with her? Is that what happened?


[Blair is giving herself a facial]
Blair: I just want to feel sexy again. I want to feel pretty.
Dorian: You could never step a foot in another spa for the rest of your life, and you would still be sexy and pretty and gorgeous, even underneath that mask.


Blair: I'm going to go wash my face and wash my hair.
Dorian: Good. Scrub hard, all right? Make sure you get all of Todd out.


[Blair asks Dorian to babysit Sam]
Dorian: We'll have some fun.
Blair: He loves his fire truck.
Dorian: Honey, what happened to the toy stethoscope I bought him?
Blair: He loves his trucks.


Blair: You've been my rock.
Dorian: Oh, well, someday in the future I'm going to ask you to return that favor.
Blair: Now, see, I knew there would be a catch.


[Blair tells Dorian that "Todd"/Victor was at the hospital when Starr was giving birth]
Blair: Starr called him, she was in labor. I didn't see him. Marcie said she ran into him, but he was okay.
Dorian: There is a restraining order against him.
Blair: Oh, good Lord, Dorian. Does it make you feel any better? He didn't go into Starr's room.
Dorian: Wait. Todd shows up here at the hospital just before Starr's baby mysteriously died? Are we supposed to think this is just a coincidence?


Dorian: (to Blair) Marty Saybrooke returns from the dead, she's found living with your ex-husband, the man who raped her when she was in college, and you're critiquing my taste in tabloids?


Blair: (about Starr) I had to break the news to her that her father's been holding Marty Saybrooke hostage for months in his house. You should have seen the look on her face. I mean, she didn't even know how to react. Oh, hell, I don't even know how to react.
Dorian: It is bizarre, even for Todd.


Blair: (about "Todd"/Victor and Marty) I don't want to think about it.
Dorian: You better think about it. Damn it, you've got a duty to think about it. Blair, the reason that these hideous men get away with crimes against women is because there's some woman out there so battered, so abused that she's thinking, "Oh, my, he's going to change. Oh, he isn't really like that."


[Dorian wonders how Marty's return will affect John's relationship with Blair]
Blair: Even if I had the time to worry about it, it's not an issue. Marty has amnesia. She doesn't even remember John, okay? Dorian: Honey, there's nothing wrong with John's memory.


Dorian: (to Blair) The police will probably charge Todd, who will, uh, hurl insults, make accusations, hire an expensive team of lawyers until somebody finally shoots him and then we can have some peace.


Dorian: I just don't want you to have any problems with John.
Blair: John is the only one that doesn't cause me problems, Dorian.


[Blair thinks that John is going to dump her for Marty]
Dorian: I got a news flash for you here. You are always underestimating yourself. You're a very hard woman to get over.


[The Cramers learn that Dorian has decided not to prepare turkey for Thanksgiving]
Dorian: We are going to have canard au confit du bois.
Blair: Hey, Blanche, how is it "du bois"?
Dorian: "Of the woods," Blair.


[Dorian has prepared duck for Thanksgiving]
Dorian: What was I thinking? Blair, why didn't you stop me?
Blair: Me?
Dorian: Yeah. I mean, this meal --
Addie: Sucks. Sucks big-time.
Blair: No, it's -- it's not what it's quacked up to be.


[Blair looks at the kitchen of uneaten Thanksgiving food]
Blair: Now, that is a sad sight.
Dorian: It's going to be a very happy sight on the food line at St. James.
Blair: Wow, you're going to donate all your French Thanksgiving feast?
Dorian: Pourquoi pas? I'm not going to waste all this glorious food just because my family has the palate of peasants.


Blair: John -- he just needed to be alone or with someone and -- and not talk.
Dorian: Crisis or no crisis, men never like to talk.


Dorian: John's a much better match for you.
Blair: Well, look at you. You actually approve of a man that I'm seeing.


Blair: John and I need to be with someone that we feel comfortable with. We feel comfortable with each other, okay?
Dorian: Comfort is something you look for in a chair.
Blair: What are you getting at here?
Dorian: You are too fabulous to be anybody's fallback plan or shoulder to cry on.
Blair: Well, John doesn't cry.
Dorian: You know what I mean.


Blair: Why don't you take me to lunch before I say something I might regret to you?
Dorian: Fine.
Blair: Fine.
Dorian: We better not run into Todd, because the mood I'm in, I'm going to say a bunch of things that I will not regret.


Dorian: (to Blair, about Marty) Cramer up. Get over there. Talk to the woman. Meanwhile, I will be watching your back.


Blair: Are you going to apologize to Marty and John?
Dorian: For what, doing my duty as the head of this family?
Blair: Oh, come on, other than reminding us about 1,000 times a day that we're Cramer women, what else does that operation entail, hmm?
Dorian: You may scoff if you wish, but believe me, it's no easy task.


Blair: I appreciate everything that you have done for me, but you are not my mother.
Dorian: I might as well be.
Addie: (interrupting) I am in the room.


Starr: Aunt Dorian, thanks again for just listening.
Dorian: Any time.
Blair: Dorian just listening?
Starr: Oh, I know, right? Who knew?