Todd & Blair [2003, Part 3]
[Note: When the mysterious "Walker Laurence" came to town, it wasn't long before the writing started dropping hints that he was really Todd Manning with plastic surgery. The quotes in this section deal only with Blair's inability to move on completely from the memory of Todd as played by Roger Howarth.]

Blair: (about Todd) No, he's not dead. He's not. He -- he tricked Mitch somehow. That's what happened. And he got out, and he's out there somewhere trying to protect me and his family. I know that.
Troy: Well, that does sound more like Todd.


Blair: (to Mitch) I want you to listen very carefully. You're going to tell me where Todd is, or I'm going to kill you.


Mitch: (about Todd) He told me that if I would drop my claims to the Lord estate, he would make sure you didn't testify against me for the kidnapping.
Blair: No, no. Todd would never do that.


Blair: Did Mitch happen to mention anything about Todd Manning?
Walker: Your ex-husband? You think Mitch did something to him?
Blair: Look, if you know anything, will you just please tell me? That was my little girl, and she asks about her father every day and I have a little boy and he's just a baby, but I know that he misses his father.
Walker: I'm sorry. I never heard Mitch say that name.


Walker: Maybe the fact that Mitch never mentioned Todd means he doesn't know anything about him.
Blair: Something happened to Todd.
Walker: Well, I'm sorry if my brother caused it.
Blair: I wish your brother had never been born.


Blair: (to Walker) I don't think Todd's still alive. I've never said that out loud. I guess how do I expect Starr to get over him if I can't, either.


[Blair is shocked to learn that Dorian offered Walker a job at "The Sun"]
Blair: (to Walker) Look, I am so sorry that my aunt misled you, but she couldn't offer you a discount subscription to "The Sun," much less a job. My ex-husband owns that paper.
Dorian: Blair, it's really not healthy for you to keep pretending this way. As difficult as it may be, you have got to accept the fact that Todd isn't coming back.
Blair: We don't know that for sure, Dorian.


[Blair allows Walker to stay at Todd's penthouse]
Blair: I have a really hard time talking about Todd. I'm sorry.
Walker: You really loved him?
Blair: Oh, I hated him. But, yeah, I loved him. Todd was -- he -- well, you know what? The place is vacant, so you're welcome to take it as long as you like, but if Todd does come back --
Walker: If Todd comes back, I can't think of a happier reason to get kicked out of a penthouse.


[Blair goes to visit Mitch in prison]
Mitch: Two Cramer women in one day. "Then there came two women, both harlots, unto the king and stood before him."
Blair: Are you done? I hope so, because I don't have a lot of time to spend on scripture. I'm just going to lay the facts out here on the line, all right? My testimony could have a big influence on your sentencing. But I'm willing to negotiate. I'll go easy if you tell me what really happened to Todd. I want to know. And so do my children. Is he alive?
Mitch: Well, if I was a betting man, I'd bet on death. It comes to us all, sooner or later. Sometimes sooner. "And he laid a hold of the dragon and cast him into a bottomless pit and shut him up."
Blair: (visibly upset) I have to go.


Dorian: Honey, you're still upset over seeing Mitch, aren't you?
Blair: The freak practically admitted that he killed Todd.


Blair: The truth is Starr's not the only one who hasn't gotten over losing Todd.
Walker: You're still in love with him.
Blair: That's not what I said. We had a very complicated relationship.
Walker: That's not what I asked.


Dorian: (to Walker) There is nothing going on between Kevin and Blair. It's just a professional rivalry, that's all. Besides which, Blair is not ready for a new relationship. She is not over Todd, God help her.


Viki: (about Todd) He cares deeply for the people that he loves.
Walker: And that would include you?
Viki: I would like to think so. But certainly Jessica and his children and Blair -- above all, Blair.


Blair: (to Walker) Well, I can't lose "The Sun." Starr's father's legacy was really important to Todd.


Blair: Life can surprise you, Kelly. A man can surprise you.
Kelly: Blair, you can't judge every man in terms of Todd.


Blair: (about Todd) He was the most infuriating man I ever knew.
Walker: Oh, come on. You don't really mean that.
Blair: Oh, yes, I do. Of course, he probably couldn't help it. That's the way he was raised. He went through a lot of stuff, really damaged. It was amazing it didn't drive him crazy -- or maybe he was crazy. That would explain a lot.
Walker: Like what?
Blair: Well, the fact that he always thought he was incapable of love. He didn't think it was in him. But I'll tell you, if you saw him with his children --
Walker: What about you?
Blair: Oh, he never would've admitted that. I stood right there and I sang my heart out to the man. He never even admitted it.
Walker: I'm sure he wanted to.
Blair: Yeah, you think?
Walker: Don't you think?
Blair: I don't know. Yeah, maybe. I mean, he wouldn't have done all those other crazy things, I guess, if he hadn't have loved me.
Walker: And if you hadn't loved him.
Blair: Yeah. Like crazy.


Blair: (about Todd) He told me that he was going to change over and over again, and over and over again he lied to me.
Walker: You telling me you never lied to anyone you loved over and over again?


Walker: (about Starr) She's a tough kid.
Blair: Yeah. She gets that after her dad.


Blair: Todd was -- he was just always kind of -- I don't know, just uncomfortable every time I would be sexual. And -- I think...
Walker: You think what?
Blair: All right. The other day when you kissed me in the cabana, it was weird for me. Really weird, because for some reason, you just kind of seemed Toddish or something. And -- I don't know. I just think that maybe you could be the one that hired the private eye, that's what.
Walker: Oh.
Blair: Yeah.
Walker: And why would I do that?
Blair: To learn as much as you can about Todd and then act like him.


Blair: I think it was the wedding party. I don't know, it just always makes me think of --
Walker: Todd.
Blair: When we were married, the time that was perfect, we were together dancing and there were these beautiful gold balloons falling down around us.
Walker: I know. (quickly correcting himself) Uh, wow, that sounds cool.
Blair: We were full of hope and dreams and happiness. Then he got a call from a girl that he did something horrible to.
Walker: Marty Saybrooke.
[Blair gives him an odd look but continues]
Blair: He left. He was going to be a hero, he was. He was shot and presumed dead in Ireland. He eventually came back, but that perfect moment, it never did.


Blair: (about Mitch) After everything that he did to me and to Todd --
Walker: You don't know what he did to Todd.
Blair: I know that Mitch killed Todd. It's taken me this long to finally accept it.
Walker: Have you?


[Blair and Walker are making out]
Walker: Second thoughts?
Blair: I just haven't felt like this in a long time.
Walker: Since Todd?
Blair: Maybe that's why --
Walker: What?
Blair: That -- you remind me of him.
Walker: Hmm. Maybe there's something in me.
Blair: And what would that be?
Walker: Some part of him that you loved.
Blair: Maybe.


Blair: I have to let go of you, Todd. But you make it so hard. You have this crazy, strange hold over me. And I hate you for it.


Blair: Damn it, Todd! Why can't I get you out of my heart once and for all? You've made it so I can't trust anyone. I keep expecting them to be you.


Blair: Why are you defending Walker, huh?
Dorian: Because I just love the way he looks whenever he sees you.
Blair: Todd used to look at me like that.
Dorian: Todd never loved you the way you deserve to be loved.


Blair: I can't take any more Todd stuff, Walker.
Walker: I won't do it again.
Blair: God, you even sound like him now. That's what he would do. He would screw up. Then he would come and say, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Blair," as if that would make up for everything, and then he would just do it over and over and over again.
Walker: If you hated him so much, why did you keep coming back to him?
Blair: Because I loved him. He could be wonderful. So wonderful to me. So wonderful to the kids.
Walker: Why'd you leave him?
Blair: I didn't leave him. He just hurt me and he hurt me and he hurt me, and I couldn't take it anymore -- not from him, not from anyone.


Blair: (about Jack's memories of Todd) He won't remember him. It's probably a good thing, too, because he'll just have to remember all the rotten things that he did to us, like Starr will.
Walker: Starr doesn't seem to hold it against him.
Blair: Yeah, well, she's just a little girl. Why don't you catch her in about 10 years, Walker, when she's had a lot of therapy. He did a number on her, and he did a number on all of us, and it was unforgivable.
Walker: Doesn't it mean anything to you that he's dead?
Blair: Of course it does. But it doesn't change what he did. If he were standing right here in this room, I wouldn't take him back.


Walker: '’m damaged goods. Maybe even cursed.
Blair: That's just what Todd used to say.
Walker: Well, in his case, it was true, wasn't it?
Blair: He thought it was.


David: (about Dorian) Look, we just have a connection, okay? Neither one of us even knows why we have this connection, but it's bigger than us. I don't know, it -- we're drawn to each other in ways that just go beyond the rational, all right?
Blair: Really?
David: The only two people that I could compare us to are you and Todd. No matter how terrible things got, you guys kept -- listen to me -- you kept getting back together because of that connection.
Blair: Okay, you listen to me. You are so way beyond the curve because I left Todd. I left him. I'm happy now, happier than I have ever been in my life because I'm living the life that I want. And Walker Laurence is a big part of that life, thank you very much.
David: Happy, huh?
Blair: Mm-hmm.
David: If you say so.
Blair: If I say so? I sure do say so!
David: Yeah, well, I still say that there's only one man in your universe, and that's Todd Manning.


Kelly: Oh, your kids aren't spoiled. Okay, Starr may be a little.
Blair: Oh, a lot. And you think I'm bad? Todd was even worse.
Kelly: Oh, come on, say what you want about Todd, but he was a good father.
Blair: Yeah. I mean, who would have ever thought that? When he was with the kids, he actually seemed human, you know?


Blair: I can't marry you because I'm still in love with Todd.
Walker: He's dead!
Blair: It doesn't make my feelings less complicated, Walker.
Walker: He treated you like dirt!
Blair: I don't want to talk about it, all right?
Walker: All right, you know, you -- you can't move on because of Todd, only you don't want to be with him! He's dead. That's real. You better face it.
Blair: I've had about all of the "real" that I can handle, and if I'm not ready to let go of my feelings, who are you to object?


Walker: Blair, I'm offering you a fresh start. I can make you happier than you were with Todd because I'm different than Todd. I am better than Todd --
Blair: You don't know anything about Todd, Walker!


Blair: You don't know anything about me.
Walker: I know you're chained to a corpse who never did anything to you except ruin your life and the lives of your children. What's past is past, but in the present -- which is all you've got -- he's dead. He's never coming back, ever.


Blair: Damn it, Todd, just let me go.


Starr: If you don't love Walker, then who do you love?
Blair: I still love your daddy, sweetheart.


River: (about Adriana) I don't think I'm ever going to see her again. You know how that feels?
Blair: Yeah. Yes, I do, actually. Like a part of you has just been ripped away.


Walker: What do you want me to do, get down on my knees?
Blair: No. No, I don't. That's what Todd would do. He would try to railroad me into marrying him, and it was the worst day of my life, okay?
Walker: Sorry.
Blair: You didn't know.


Walker: I want to ask you something.
Blair: Okay, go ahead.
Walker: Todd loved you.
Blair: Hope so.
Walker: You loved him?
Blair: More than anything.
Walker: Was everything he ever did wrong?
Blair: That's three questions. But no.


Blair: (to Starr and Walker) I don't like to feel pressured into getting married. You know, Todd did that right before I found out he was keeping some big secret.


Addie: You know why I liked Todd?
Walker: Because he was a great guy.
Addie: Because he loved Blair.
Starr: Then you know what? You're really going to love Walker because he loves Mom, too, even more.
Addie: I don't think anyone could love Blair more than Todd did.
Walker: You know what? You're right. But I'm going to try.


Blair: I understand, Mama. I understand why you see Todd in Walker's eyes.
Starr: Mom, that's silly. Walker doesn't even act like Todd.
Blair: No, it's -- it's the way Todd used to look at me. And you're right, it is in the eyes. And now Walker looks that way at me.


Blair: (about the Lord Ring) See, that ring was a reminder for Todd, I think, that -- so he would never forget all the evil he inherited from his father.
Walker: Evil isn't genetic. People can change if they want to.
Blair: Well, a lot of people try. Todd tried, but he never could.


Blair: I made a lot of mistakes since Todd, went from wrong relationship to wrong relationship.
Kelly: And you think Walker is the right guy?
Blair: Yeah, I do. You know, it scared me at first, because I don't think I was really over Todd.


Bo: (about Todd and Blair) How many times has that relationship blown sky high?
Nora: Oh, well, who could say?
Bo: Yeah, because it's happened so many times nobody even knows.


Blair: No matter what you have faced in your long, long life, Aunt Betsy, and no matter what you will face for the rest of it, you will never come close to what Todd had to endure and overcome.
Betsy: Mm-hmm.
Blair: He at least tried to be a good man, and you know what, he became one. And he built a family that he loved -- loved deeply. And he risked his life over and over again to protect us.
Starr: Give it to them, Mom.
Blair: You know what? He made some mistakes. He made a lot of terrible mistakes. But Todd is gone, and I don't want to hear another nasty word out of your mouth about him. Do you hear me?
Betsy: That's very nice -- like mother, like daughter. Aren't we done yet?
Blair: Listen to me, Aunt Betsy! Todd died a lot younger than you ever will. But he lived his life with passion, courage, and more feeling than you ever will until you live to see the next millennium.
Betsy: May we move on?